Destination: Sevastopol, Crimea
Distance: 4,560 kms (2,850 miles)
Vehicles: James Bond cars
When James Bond starts driving a Ford Orion 1.6 Ghia…
…you’ll know the script was written by Extreme Trifle. Until then we’ll just have to make our own version. The legendary James Bond has spent over fifty years of driving fast cars, drinking, and shagging supermodels. In this tribute road trip it obviously involved crap cars and we had to drink twice the amount to make up for the lack of supermodels.
The evil genius Spongefinger is intent on taking over the world with some sort of apocalyptic device (insert tractor beam/laser/satellite as appropriate) whilst hiding out in a bunker in a country easily stereotyped for baddies (insert Russia/North Korea/Iran as appropriate).
Needless to say, our mission was to infiltrate Spongefinger’s secret hideout, locate and disarm the device (just as the digital countdown reaches 00:00:01) and then fade to a scene of beautiful love making on a yacht to a Slovakian double agent called “Smouldering Snatch”.
Oh come on, it’s at least as believable as Roger Moore.